Defining Home

Home
noun \ ˈhōm \
: a familiar or usual setting, feeling of being in harmony with the surroundings

First of all this is not a language 101.
The past few days I have been in such massive debate about what I should write. And just couple days ago I decided to take a big step of my life and getting myself a small studio apartment which I should call home for the next years I'm living here. However, I still don't feel like I'm home.

Back when I was still a lot younger, when life is nothing but choosing what I want for breakfast, which candy I should force my mom to buy and peeing in bed while sleeping isn't much of a crime, my family moved to the west part of Indonesia, a province called Aceh (now it's called Nangroe Aceh Darussalam). We lived in a city called Lhoksumawe, and because my dad was in charge for the whole area, we were given a house, equipped with small office, a warehouse, tennis court and full security. Fancy, right? But it's not even the best part yet: the beach was just BEHIND THE BACKYARD!!! Every night we could hear the sound of the wave hitting the shore, birds chirping, it was just beautiful. My kindergarten also have this weekly trip to the beach nearby. That's when I fell in love with the ocean. Not to mention every now and then on the weekend, my parents always took us - three little fully active bastards of 3, 5 and 7 - to the beach, perhaps that was a smart way to release our energy by running around and not worrying we'll break something (smart move Mom!).

From then on, my trips always involves the beach. My first solo trip was an island hopping tour. My favourite spot in Melbourne was St.Kilda beach (yes it was also the penguin that keeps me coming back). I managed to find a nicely quiet beach in Uraga, Yokosuka on my first trip to Japan. Bali, Gili and Nusa islands are a frequent trip every now and then. Until I finally decided to go to Okinawa and fall in love. Like seriously deep in love.

Seawall, American Village, Mihama

Once my brother told me to visualise my dream house. Where I want to be in 5-10 years from now. It wasn't too hard for me to figure out what I want: a nice cabin house by the water (could be a lake, beach, etc). That way it will only take me minutes to get to the water, as simple as that. Growing up, the images switch to a more specific place: beach. I don't really care about where it will be as long as it's just that close to the beach - I even dream of having a beach wedding. A girl can dream right? So defining my ideal house is now a piece of cake, but defining home is a whole different story. 

Having myself moving around quite a bit with my family, I begin to wonder, where is home? WHAT is home? Is it just the place I'm living in right now? Is it where I was born? Is it where my parents come from? Is it where I come from? Those questions often got me thinking, why and how people get this homesick? I mean how do they even feel that way when I can't even tell where or what is home for me? I have never feel homesick while being away from Indonesia. Perhaps because it was just a week or two, even though I hear people saying how they miss home after being overseas for just two days. I never have the urge to take the first flight back because I miss "home".

As I get older, feeling "homey" is no longer just the urge to be back to my parent's house, laying in my own bed cuddling up to my big ass teddy bear. It's the feeling of being accepted by people around me. It's being safe to walk around without worrying that someone will catcalling me or trying to rob me. It's the peace of mind by not having others talking about or judging me for the things I've decided to do with myself and my life. It's the safe feeling to be who I want to be, to be myself, to be me.  

That's the feeling I get when I was in Okinawa. That's why I fall in love with Okinawa. What's not to like? Beach is walking distance pretty much wherever you are, down south in Itoman, Ginowan, Chatan, even if you're all the way up in Nago. There's always a nice beach for you to enjoy the sun, to get the loved ones out for a barbecue, taking the puppy out for a nice walk/run, or a get together with friends and family. Food is always amazing, because Japan is famous of serving with only the best quality. Running in the morning, during the day, in the afternoon while the sun down, or even at night, no one is gonna think you're such a weirdo. Wearing whatever you want to wear, no one will talk about it. Leaving your belonging at a restaurant or public space? No one will steal it. Lost? People will help even if with their broken English and monkey language (it's the weird hand and body gesture trying to show you what to do or where to go, I always call it that way anyway). Sobbing or crying in the corner of a restaurant or a bus? People will not looking at you weirdly, they'll offer tissue paper instead, and giving you the space you need.

Sunabe Seawall

People often confused how I admire Okinawa so much with the fact that I was someone in Okinawa before. They often think those people were the only reason I keep coming back to the island. I've been at my best and lowest in Okinawa. I, however, always ended up finding that comfort and safe feeling no matter how bad things got. I always find that warm welcome that makes me feel better. The kind of feeling I barely have here, where I am now. My attached feelings with Okinawa isn't just based on some particular people who have history with me, I feel like it's a natural feeling, a connection to what later define as home. I was never so eager to come back to one place as I was to Okinawa. I never cry leaving one place, but I always cry when I have to leave Okinawa. I have never missed a place so much as I missed Okinawa, on daily basis. I miss the peaceful and calm feeling I get just by sitting at the seawall, looking at the ocean while sipping my matcha latte. I miss the bright big smile of the Honchos (taxi driver) when they open the door for me. I miss being home, I miss Okinawa everyday.

So when people keep asking why I always come back to Okinawa, I'd simply say because it's home for me. Don't you wanna go home?


Cheers,
Arlia

Cape Hedo, Nago