Forgive, Forget or Go to Hell?
"I'm sorry".
Forgive and forget.
My anger almost took me to the darkest side of my life again, it nearly killed me. I was sick for weeks, not because I was physically unwell, it was all in my mind. I spent most of my weekend staying in, debating to unpack my luggage from the last time I was in Okinawa before the breakup. Every time I open my luggage, the first thing that fall out of it was the good boy's hair, my ex's 2 years old white Kishu Inu puppy which hair is all over my dresses and clothes because he loves to play with the unfolded laundry in our room. That little fur ball is packed with energy and wouldn't leave my side on my last day at the house. It's like he could sense that something is wrong. He would normally just play with my ex instead of me. But that night he was just laying next to me as I picked my stuff that was laying around every corner of the room. He was the only good memory I had from the last trip. And it broke my heart even more seeing his hair all over my clothes now that I'm back home, after what happened.
One of those weekend I stayed in, I watched one of my favourite chic flick movie: Sex and The City. I couldn't help but picture myself in Carrie's position where Big left her at their wedding day. And how Miranda felt when Steve admitted that he slept with someone else. I keep thinking to myself, I feel you girls. I feel you. The movie summed up my last two relationships in 2 hours. At the end of the movie, after Miranda admitted to say something to Big that caused him changing his mind about marrying Carrie (spoiler alert!), Carrie told Miranda something about forgiving. That no matter what caused it in the first place, at the end of the day it's forgiveness. Her words then stuck in my head. It keeps playing in my mind and brings me back to the reality, to my own situation.
Should I forgive him? After what he has done to me.
Can I forgive him?
Why should I forgive him?
Why does it matter if I do or don't? It's said and done, he wouldn't change his mind.
When should I forgive him? After a month? Or two? A year? Or never?
While I buried myself deep in those thought, I found an old quote that slap me hard:
"Those who break your heart, forgive them with all of your heart, for the sake of the one who gives you your heart"
A simple quote that reminds me to stay humble, to forgive others no matter how bad and shitty it was for you. Because human wasn't made to be perfect. Because mistakes are what make us human. Because we were born to make mistakes. Forgive others because forgiving doesn't mean you're losing. Forgiving means you're allowing yourself to be the better person. It gives you the inner peace you need to heal the wound. It gives you chance to embrace the happiness that you deserve. Because forgiving is the key, the first step you should take in order to be happy again.
Forgive yourself before you forgive others. Accept the fact that things happened, sometimes not in the way you expected it to be. Forgive yourself and move on. There's always something you can learn out of anything happened to you. Good or bad. It's okay if it takes you a while to forgive. It's understandable. You know it better than anyone else, that's why you should be the one who can tell whether or not this is the right time for you to say "I forgive you". Don't be afraid to take time. Embrace your own journey of forgiving others. Nobody should force you to do it based on what they think is best. Create your own journey. But be considerate to others at the same time. At the end of the day, it's your decision. Even if you decide not to forgive them at all. Perhaps they've crossed the line way too much and often. Be sure to ask yourself this before you decide to do anything: are you happy with what you're about to do? Will you find your peace by forgiving/not forgiving? Will that make you a better person than you are right now?
Cheers,
Arlia
Said or not, explicit or implicit, how will you respond to it?
Forgive and forget.
I often hear people link both as a powerful combo when one come asking for apology. Some would argue that forgiving means putting whatever happened behind, and move forward. Some would say that you can't completely forgive others without forgetting what they did in the first place. I mean, it's not like oops I forget where I put my wallet is! It's a more conscious decision to let go of what has happened and not bring it up in the future, for whatever reason. However, some would also claim that forgiving is one thing, but forgetting is a different story. You can't just forgive someone and go back to where it all started, without acknowledging the fact that it happened. Because by not forgetting, it gives you a some kind of warning to prevent similar thing to happen in the future. The question is, does it really matter?
Ask yourself this questions now.
When was the last time you say sorry?
What was that for?
Why are you sorry?
Was it hard for you to admit that you're wrong? Why?
How long until the person forgive you?
Now give yourself another questions.
When was the last time you forgive someone?
What did they do to you?
Why did or didn't you forgive them?
Was it hard for you to forgive them? Why?
How long did it take for you to forgive them?
You're not the only one if you can't even answer the first couple questions. I recently found myself in a situation where I can't seem to find a way to forgive or forget someone after what they've done to me. I found it hard to believe that one can be so nice, smart, kind and cruel at the same time. It wasn't the breakup that hurt me the most. It was the fact that he was never sorry about what he did. He had no regret. He made me think that he really was in love with me. He played with my feeling after I opened my heart for him, even after I told him how fragile I was at that time after getting out of a serious relationship before him. I was hurt that despite the effort I've made to be with him, he put himself first above our relationship, and acted like it was nothing. I was hurt because when I finally able to love again, he broke my heart to the smallest pieces, and acted like nothing ever happened. Like it was nothing to him, like I was nothing to him. I had to walked back into the darkness in shame, because I've gone all the way to be with him only to find myself got treated like a trash, like my presence has no meaning to him. It was never that hard for me to forgive others no matter how bad they hurt me. But this was a whole new level of broken heart.
My anger almost took me to the darkest side of my life again, it nearly killed me. I was sick for weeks, not because I was physically unwell, it was all in my mind. I spent most of my weekend staying in, debating to unpack my luggage from the last time I was in Okinawa before the breakup. Every time I open my luggage, the first thing that fall out of it was the good boy's hair, my ex's 2 years old white Kishu Inu puppy which hair is all over my dresses and clothes because he loves to play with the unfolded laundry in our room. That little fur ball is packed with energy and wouldn't leave my side on my last day at the house. It's like he could sense that something is wrong. He would normally just play with my ex instead of me. But that night he was just laying next to me as I picked my stuff that was laying around every corner of the room. He was the only good memory I had from the last trip. And it broke my heart even more seeing his hair all over my clothes now that I'm back home, after what happened.
One of those weekend I stayed in, I watched one of my favourite chic flick movie: Sex and The City. I couldn't help but picture myself in Carrie's position where Big left her at their wedding day. And how Miranda felt when Steve admitted that he slept with someone else. I keep thinking to myself, I feel you girls. I feel you. The movie summed up my last two relationships in 2 hours. At the end of the movie, after Miranda admitted to say something to Big that caused him changing his mind about marrying Carrie (spoiler alert!), Carrie told Miranda something about forgiving. That no matter what caused it in the first place, at the end of the day it's forgiveness. Her words then stuck in my head. It keeps playing in my mind and brings me back to the reality, to my own situation.
Should I forgive him? After what he has done to me.
Can I forgive him?
Why should I forgive him?
Why does it matter if I do or don't? It's said and done, he wouldn't change his mind.
When should I forgive him? After a month? Or two? A year? Or never?
While I buried myself deep in those thought, I found an old quote that slap me hard:
"Those who break your heart, forgive them with all of your heart, for the sake of the one who gives you your heart"
A simple quote that reminds me to stay humble, to forgive others no matter how bad and shitty it was for you. Because human wasn't made to be perfect. Because mistakes are what make us human. Because we were born to make mistakes. Forgive others because forgiving doesn't mean you're losing. Forgiving means you're allowing yourself to be the better person. It gives you the inner peace you need to heal the wound. It gives you chance to embrace the happiness that you deserve. Because forgiving is the key, the first step you should take in order to be happy again.
Forgive yourself before you forgive others. Accept the fact that things happened, sometimes not in the way you expected it to be. Forgive yourself and move on. There's always something you can learn out of anything happened to you. Good or bad. It's okay if it takes you a while to forgive. It's understandable. You know it better than anyone else, that's why you should be the one who can tell whether or not this is the right time for you to say "I forgive you". Don't be afraid to take time. Embrace your own journey of forgiving others. Nobody should force you to do it based on what they think is best. Create your own journey. But be considerate to others at the same time. At the end of the day, it's your decision. Even if you decide not to forgive them at all. Perhaps they've crossed the line way too much and often. Be sure to ask yourself this before you decide to do anything: are you happy with what you're about to do? Will you find your peace by forgiving/not forgiving? Will that make you a better person than you are right now?
Cheers,
Arlia
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